We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
