What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
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I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
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Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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