It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
