Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night