i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...