Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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