Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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