I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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