Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
