For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
