need another drink. this is the easiest way
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG