I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
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my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
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I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face