I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???