Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
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At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
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Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed