Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.

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(210): View more from Texas

I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.

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(818): View more from California

I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.

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(720): View more from Colorado

i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.

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