just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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