wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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