I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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