I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
