Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
