im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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