I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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