I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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