im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
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