what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
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is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
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5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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