If i come over, it means nothing
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
