Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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