Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
