I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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