I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
