wanna go halves on a baby?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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