You made me cry and you don't even care
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
