bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
