I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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