If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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