i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
PANTIES FOUND
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