So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
