Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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