I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
