No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
