I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
