she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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