you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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