He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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