Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
there's paper in my vomit.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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