Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
