It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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