I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
