I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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