sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
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oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
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Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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