I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
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He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
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When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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