my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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