Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
