I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
