12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
