she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think your dad took our porno
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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