Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
