I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
