Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
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Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
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My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I would ride that face into the sunset
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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