I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i love accidental penises.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
