I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
