you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
