If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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