He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
