dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
