The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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