i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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